I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
