Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
