He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Congratulations! We have a period
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