Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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