we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
