did you get engaged???
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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