our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
