I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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