I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
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It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
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i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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