my mouth tastes like poor choices
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
