we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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