we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
