The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
