Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
