this beer tastes like vomit already
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Hippo gnu deer
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
