I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
