my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
