I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
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I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
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He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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