Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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