We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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