Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
