my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
