I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the day after is always just damage control
I think I sprained my soul last night
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
