Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
