im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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