Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize