OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
