i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We had to coat check the pizza.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
