I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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