Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
