I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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