The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
