Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
