All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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