YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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