I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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