The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she peed on how many people?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
