and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
