so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
