Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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