Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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