you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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