while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
