I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
