You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
