I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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