hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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