i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
