Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
