You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
