you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
