I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
