to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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