my phone needs a breathalizer
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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