but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
