Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
