I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
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I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
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Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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