Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
