Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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