I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
