lets start a swedish sibling band together
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My dick has a subreddit
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
