It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
