im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
