How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
