Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
