That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
