I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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