3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize