Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
