Tell her she can't have a vagina
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Last time i carry you out of a forest
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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