We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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