I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
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I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
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I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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