You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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