I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
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I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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