you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
