I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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