I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
