The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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