I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
