just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
True strength comes from lack of pants
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
