Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just want to make out with him forever
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
