We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
