i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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