You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I need to wash the frat house off of me
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