Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
